the danger of mind games

“Oh my gosh, I’m going to die. I’m not going to get a breath in time, my oxygen will run out, and then I’m going to die. That poor lifeguard is going to have to actually do his job, haul my ass out of the water, try to revive me, and ultimately fail. This is not how I want to go.”

Ever since I introduced the flip turn into my workouts, these are my constant and irrational thoughts. Especially coming out of the turn and going back down the lane, I start to have mini panic attacks under water, freaking out as if I am neither in control of my own body, nor realize that I am only in four feet of water. At any point I can stop, lift my head, and not drown. I guess it’s the Type A in me that makes me breathe on every fourth stroke. And the fact that I can’t seem to maintain a straight line when I breath on every other stroke, and end up with heaping helpings of drag and inefficient swimming (I am learning something from my stupid book, even if I failed in finishing it for the challenge).

I am unsure why I like to torture myself, and push to limits that I really shouldn’t. I hope none of you have to read my obituary any time soon, telling of how I died of stupidity and being too competitive with myself. That has to be some sort of mental disorder.

On another note, getting weekly swims in is going to be challenging when gyms are closed for 2-4 days (my gym for two, the one where I am spending Thanksgiving for four). Awesome.